Praise the behaviour you want to see
“Be good” can be hard for a child to act on because it is broad. Point to the behaviour instead: taking turns, using gentle hands, putting a toy away or trying again after frustration. Specific praise helps children understand what went well.
Keep praise honest and proportionate. A small “I noticed you waited while your sister finished” can mean more than a big reward for every ordinary task.
Make expectations clear and achievable
Busy Christmas days can bring noise, changes to routine and lots of waiting. Before a visit or event, explain one or two expectations in simple words. Let children know what they can do if they need a break, a snack or help.
When something goes wrong, focus on the next step. A child can help tidy a spill, practise an apology or try a different way to ask for a turn. Repairing a moment is more useful than labelling a child as naughty.
- Name the action calmly: “The blocks were thrown.”
- Set a clear limit: “Blocks stay on the floor.”
- Offer a next step: “Let’s pick them up together, then try again.”
Keep Santa out of threats
Using the naughty list to scare children can add pressure to an already busy season. If Santa is part of your family tradition, he can be a source of play, stories and encouragement without being presented as someone watching every mistake.
Try celebrating a real moment of kindness or effort instead of making presents depend on a child’s behaviour. This keeps the conversation warm and leaves room for children to have difficult days.
Turn a good moment into a Christmas memory
A specific story can help a child remember what they did well: “You helped Grandad carry the shopping” or “You kept practising even when the puzzle was tricky.” You could write it in a family journal, tell another relative, or share the moment with Santa as part of a playful Christmas tradition.
Report To Santa is designed for grown-ups to send a kind, funny, brave or cheeky moment and choose the mood for a personalised reply. Read more about gentle Santa behaviour reports, or send Santa a message when you have a moment to share.
Common questions
How can I encourage kindness without using rewards?+
Notice the specific action, describe its effect and thank the child. For example, “You made room for your cousin; that helped them join the game.”
Should Santa threaten not to bring presents?+
A gentler tradition can keep Santa out of threats and focus on stories, play and encouragement instead.
What if Christmas behaviour is difficult?+
Keep expectations simple, respond calmly and help the child practise a useful next step. Children can be excited, tired or overwhelmed during the holidays.